Monday, November 23, 2009

Financial Stress: A Rant

So many platitudes exist regarding being wealthy in friends or loved ones, yet ignore the deeper wound. Here I sit, almost fifty years of age, over educated and under employed, making less money than I did in the nineties, unable to pay the phone and cable, or buy groceries, and praying for yet another miracle. Pardon my gloom; maybe it's weather in addition to my bank balance, but in the hierarchy of needs, I'm still at ground zero.

Yes, I know how to count my blessings. I am loved beyond measure. But Cameron needs dental work and we can't afford it. I need groceries, and we can't afford that either. On the blessing side, our guardian angel recently materialized with enough to cover two huge car repairs and the electric bill (still was turned off overnight). Oh, and did I mention the $400 plumbing bill and the additional $300 in water after it was adjusted? My water bills are usually $20 a month! Cameron still needs a transmission (come on student loan), the electric company wants a $250 deposit, and I can't make it to the next payday. Indeed, another angel has agreed to defer my car payments until I afford groceries. Goddess bless her!

I also know how to do magick. I do see the pattern of miracles that have made survival possible. I do recognize my hard work, and Cameron's, in our attempts to provide for ourselves. She is at my side at the flea market, running errands, adding in her earnings (can we say people don't want to pay for art?) And tonight I'll do my prosperity spell and open myself to the possibilities that the universe has to offer. And one more time a miracle will come. But I have to admit, this insecurity is getting old. I am educated. I work hard. My boss pays me half what I made less year, which was down $20,000 from ten years before that. Every month I'm $700 short. Oh, the boss was in Vegas last month, St Thomas the month before (continue the monthly pattern since the beginning of the year), and has put a freeze on pay raises.

I had hoped the flea market would get us through. While we had the best weekend yet, $90 isn't a lot. Especially when I paid $14 a day for the table. Someone who also sells jewelry told me that until April of this year, he averaged $5,000 a month at the flea market. Now he makes $100-$200 a weekend. They are hurting, too. The flea market, however, is providing what I need to be successful at festivals next year. I hear the festivals are still going strong and money is good. Unfortunately, I can only make jewelry one piece at a time. I can only buy velveteen and display stands when jewelry sells. And without all those things, I can't create a portfolio to submit for acceptance to festivals next year. And since when do jewelers have to submit a portfolio anyway? The folks that have been doing this for a while tell me that they never did. So I must not be the only one looking for creative solutions to financial disasters!

I'll post pictures of some of my jewelry that is for sale. Anyone's interested, let me know!


  1. May the Great Goddess Laxshmi shower you and Cameron with abundance. Soon!

  2. I'll second that Debra She Who Seeks!

    Lady Grace, I am not well today but I will keep you and Cameron in my thoughts and prayers. You are both such a blessing to me that I only wish I were in a condition to return the favor.

  3. Well,
    I of all people get it. I have worked off and on for years at mural work that comes and goes and NEVER pays enough. I know I haven't been financially stable since 2004 range when the economy slowed on it's way to crashing. I recognize that my art is going to remain only minimally helpful until the economy improves, and that, even with the hip replacement, my arthritis will prevent me from pursuing earlier job paths. It's why I am shoving my way through college as fast as I can and working to find ways to re-apply my art abilities and skills with the jewelry efforts (and you guys should see the beads we made last night together! Whee!)
    I have to say that every penny I have made,or will make is for us, and everything I get done - whether its a mural project, running errands, brain storming about beads and artwork,freezing my ass off at a cold flea market (and that's the one you owe me for woman...LOL!) aiming for more education and future career - its for you and for us together. You are NOT in this alone!!!
    Many hugs and all my love, always and forever!

  4. You know...maybe we need to rethink this flea market thing. I mean, we might have more luck if we were actually selling fleas...

    (ducking and hiding behind chair!)


  5. Ah, beloved Cameron, you are why I am rich beyond measure. You have worked harder than anyone I know to land opportunities for work, to run the errands, to clean the house, to make sure I eat, sleep and have time for homework. I apologize if it sounds like I have minimized your contributions.

    Just so the world knows, you work your ass off. And if there's an opportunity for work, you are there. And if I need help to make sure I eat, sleep and work, you make sure I have what I need from food, to clean laundry to care for the animals. If I can't get something done, you do it.

    Yep, having a wife is blessing. I couldn't make it without you!! As for the fleas, I'll start catching if you'll line up the buyers!

  6. Well, I think we need the little ferris wheel they ride and the center ring for them to perfom in - think there's an instruction manual for training fleas around? :D Thanks for your wonderful love and support...we are together and that's what makes all this work.