So many platitudes exist regarding being wealthy in friends or loved ones, yet ignore the deeper wound. Here I sit, almost fifty years of age, over educated and under employed, making less money than I did in the nineties, unable to pay the phone and cable, or buy groceries, and praying for yet another miracle. Pardon my gloom; maybe it's weather in addition to my bank balance, but in the hierarchy of needs, I'm still at ground zero.
Yes, I know how to count my blessings. I am loved beyond measure. But Cameron needs dental work and we can't afford it. I need groceries, and we can't afford that either. On the blessing side, our guardian angel recently materialized with enough to cover two huge car repairs and the electric bill (still was turned off overnight). Oh, and did I mention the $400 plumbing bill and the additional $300 in water after it was adjusted? My water bills are usually $20 a month! Cameron still needs a transmission (come on student loan), the electric company wants a $250 deposit, and I can't make it to the next payday. Indeed, another angel has agreed to defer my car payments until I afford groceries. Goddess bless her!
I also know how to do magick. I do see the pattern of miracles that have made survival possible. I do recognize my hard work, and Cameron's, in our attempts to provide for ourselves. She is at my side at the flea market, running errands, adding in her earnings (can we say people don't want to pay for art?) And tonight I'll do my prosperity spell and open myself to the possibilities that the universe has to offer. And one more time a miracle will come. But I have to admit, this insecurity is getting old. I am educated. I work hard. My boss pays me half what I made less year, which was down $20,000 from ten years before that. Every month I'm $700 short. Oh, the boss was in Vegas last month, St Thomas the month before (continue the monthly pattern since the beginning of the year), and has put a freeze on pay raises.
I had hoped the flea market would get us through. While we had the best weekend yet, $90 isn't a lot. Especially when I paid $14 a day for the table. Someone who also sells jewelry told me that until April of this year, he averaged $5,000 a month at the flea market. Now he makes $100-$200 a weekend. They are hurting, too. The flea market, however, is providing what I need to be successful at festivals next year. I hear the festivals are still going strong and money is good. Unfortunately, I can only make jewelry one piece at a time. I can only buy velveteen and display stands when jewelry sells. And without all those things, I can't create a portfolio to submit for acceptance to festivals next year. And since when do jewelers have to submit a portfolio anyway? The folks that have been doing this for a while tell me that they never did. So I must not be the only one looking for creative solutions to financial disasters!
I'll post pictures of some of my jewelry that is for sale. Anyone's interested, let me know!