Reflections and Snow

Cypress was our first Christmas tree, purchased
six years ago. She was about 18 inches tall.
 She now towers at about twenty feet.

Just before Christmas, the clutch went out on my car. Now I knew the damn thing was going out and had been sending up daily prayers for months that it would hold until my income tax refund came in. So the very morning the speed trap got me at 4:30 in the morning on a deserted highway, I was stopped, and then I couldn't get the car over 45 the rest of the way to work. And once I made it home, AAA had to tow it to the shop. That speeding ticket and fine certainly have added insult to injury! My first ticket ever!

So I sent an email to the son who is still talking to me and told him that his present would be late. Not that he or his wife mind in the least. And Cameron and I agreed that one more Christmas would be without presents. Since she moved in six years ago, we've not really exchanged presents. I really object to Christmas occurring at the end of December. Why didn't they schedule it after taxes come back? Or the beginning of the semester when we have student loans?

Christmas Eve is always reserved for Cameron's parents. They've both made it to their eighth decade and are a delight. Every year they give us both the same kinds of gifts and the same number of gifts. This year we received really, really warm winter coats (have I mentioned that the heat is out in Cameron's car and we have had record cold temperatures?). 

Then we went to the Christmas Eve service at out church. Check out Cameron's blog for a much more eloquent account than I can give. I hugged Mother Linda's neck and thanked her for not giving up on us. I think the last service we attended was Christmas Eve last year. Yet I found gift cards for a grocery store in the area waiting in our mailbox last week from the church. Exactly what we needed!

I've been incredibly depressed this fall. Done with school, utter exhaustion has sapped me of drive, energy, creativity... Of course, my millionaire boss refusing pay raises and threatening to sell the clinic to a group that will deny us a raise for another year doesn't help. I owe about $250,000 in student loans to collect pee and not be able to afford my electric bill. No, I'm not bitter...

So sitting in sacred space, listening to the music, seeing the candles was a balm to my soul. And we reconnected with other goddess worshipers that we met at Goddess Fest two-three years ago! Who would have thought?  And South Carolina saw its first snow on Christmas since the 1960's. Don't laugh if you open my freezer. Cameron stuck a snow ball in there! 

So now I trudge toward another New Year, hoping the fruits of my labor will be more abundant in this coming year. Our grove has accepted our first student.  My transgender, lesbian identified wife adores me...and change is coming. I believe this year will be transformative!