Echoes of the Past

In 1999 I divorced a man I had know for ten years and been married to for five. The old saying about not knowing someone until you live with them had proven abundantly true, and escaping such a psychologically abusive relationship was tough.

Last year I received a notice in the mail that our former condo was up for auction due to nonpayment of back taxes, which made no sense. I keep track of the dangerous men in my past, and I knew my ex was working in a very high paying position make well into a 6-figure income. The taxes were about $5,000 and I had signed away my share of that home a long time ago. Indeed, the whole time we were married he kept insisting it was my house and that if anything happened between us, the condo would be mine. When we divorced it was the only thing he wanted. Of course. Turns out, I discovered after calling the court house, my ex had stopped paying the taxes when he moved out, deciding it was easier to let it go than to sell it. He's just like that.

So last week I received a notice in the mail from the IRS with my name and address but someone else's social security number. It took me a week to work up the courage, but I finally called. The lady on the other end wasn't volunteering information, but as I am explaining the notice in my hand, it hit me. "Is the name associated with this social security number S..... M.....?" It was. The bastard.

We filed taxes in 1997, over paying by $360. We both received a notice about four years ago that we had money coming but had to claim it together. That's not happening. I refuse to speak to him. So I thought the money had continued to just sit there. Turns out, he UNDERPAID his taxes by $360 in 2006 so the IRS would apply the funds to his tax debt. They finally did so this year.

I'm doing gratitude today. What an affirmation of the devious bastard he was and a confirmation that I was right to leave, right to not touch that money, right to find a new life in another state.

Project Hope: Started Feb 4

280 pounds on a 5 foot 4 inch frame. It's a funny feeling to know you could easily weigh less than half your current weight and still be healthy.

I've begun this journey a number of times. And I've always lost the weight and kept if as long as I exercised. However, grad school, injuries, etc have gotten in the way, again and again. So I didn't even write about the beginning of this journey until I had already established new patterns.

I'm going to be 50 on September 1. I am menopausal, and it just doesn't take a lot of calories to keep going. And I like to eat. I eat when I am happy. I eat when I am sad. I eat when I am tired, lonely, angry. I just eat. And I love sweat things.

So on Feb 4 I made a commitment to myself to change. The first four weeks I mall walked. Who knew the mall was a huge pick up place? I've had more men hit on me mall walking than I have in the last five years! LOL No worries. No man is competition when I have Cameron in my life; )

Then I bought Richard Simmon's Project Hope, which I've been doing this week. I love Richard. I have many of his videos. But project hope is awesome. Three levels of workouts so I can work my way up. And the cardio is about 20 minutes, so if I don't have a lot of time, I can still do something. He has also added weights...which I need desperately. The challenge on the first video is Balance. Oh boy do I need this challenge. It ain't pretty right now and I can't do it without a chair. But that doesn't matter. I'm doing it.

So I'm going to share this journey on my blog in all my unique brutal honesty. I am shaped like a pear, so a lot of my weight is on my arms and legs. Better for my heart, but hard on the circulation. The doctor at work is making noise about circulation and blood pressure. A lot of the weight is in what I call "fat pockets" riding over the tops of my knees, at the ankles, and hanging on my underarms. I'm hoping serious toning will prevent the need for surgery for loose skin later, but we'll see. My goal is to loose 120 pounds. While I could stand to loose more, I think that is reasonable and I can always reevaluate my goal later.

I've had two friends in the last five years die from food choices. That's not going to happen here. I'm out of grad school, done with the internship, and ready to start taking care of myself. I already move better and feel better.