Lovely Sunday Morning

I imagine this as the first true cool, crisp fall Sunday morning that has occurred this year. I'm imagining because the waterbed is warm, my toes are warm, I'm blogging, researching mushrooms and recipes from the comfort of bed. I had to interrupt myself just for this quick post. There's a Sunday fall clarity to the light; the wheel has clearly shifted. We'll be setting our clocks back soon, as it was still mostly dark at seven this morning. I've already had my first diet Coke and two slices of homemade banana bread. My lover snores lightly at my right elbow, and Lotus, our aging grand dame Orange Cat, purrs over my shoulder. She purrs as loudly as any three of my other furbabies put together.

My familiar, Dickens, dozes at my elbow between the jostling of the computer and recipe book. I'm inspecting James Vilas' Crazy for Casseroles: 275 All-American Hot Dish Classics. Makes me terribly aware of our limited budget, and my limited exposure to the world. Hence my research of mushrooms. I just learned that those funny mushrooms, revealed in the kicked up leaves of autumn strolls of southern Indiana are morels mushrooms. We used to slice them thin and fry them in butter.

I'm dreaming today. I'm moving all my recipes to a blog so I can search/track them. So far I'm keeping them private because virtually every one is copied from somewhere. I'm not a foodie cook, yet, but I want to be. I dream of what I want my life to be five years from now, when my lover and I can see the Sandy River from our bed, as we wake on cool, crisp fall mornings. I found a marvelous blog post of the Portland Farmer Market. I want to shop regularly there. Lady, hear my prayer, as I manifest our future.

Had to work yesterday morning. For three years I've not answered the phones because the inbound line didn't ring my disk. They fixed it. Grrr...I'm amused by the way I've trained myself out of hearing phones. I answered a few times, but I really don't listen for them anymore. But I digress.

Cameron will wake soon...She's (well, my transgender partner, he) has promised me bacon and eggs. If I linger long enough, I'll have breakfast in bed. Think I'll ask for a cup of hot chocolate...

Wicca and Divine Power

I love being part of an online community because they give me so much to think about. Currently, I'm a mentor for a study group that is reading Scott Cunningham's Wicca for the Solitary Practitioner. Here's the first question posed to the group and my response.

Cunningham says that the Wicca acknowledge a supreme divine power from which the universe sprang, but because the concept of this power is so far beyond our comprehension, it has been nearly lost in Wicca because of our difficulty relating to it. Do you agree? How do you personally feel about this concept?

As many of you know, Cameron and I are duel pathed. I tease her that she's a little more Christian than Wiccan, and I am a little more Wicccan that Christian. But since I'm about to join the church where she's a member, guess I best claim both equally! LOL

And yes, there's a reason for that statement that relates to our first discussion question. Bear in mind that these are my personal beliefs and by no means do I think they apply to anyone else.

Abuse characterized my early years, and patriarchy complete with the Christian church was part of that trauma. For many years I walked away from the Christian God. Instead, I sought the Goddess as a way to Divinity and healing. I knew from the first time I stepped into circle that I was called to be a priestess. Twelve years later, this third degree priestess in reconciling her faith in dual traditions.

In the big picture, so to speak, I picture "Divinity" as a wholeness beyond my understanding with both male and female aspects. I do think Divinity is incomprehensible, and that it is necessary to break it down to male and female aspects in order to relate to divinity. I also belive that divinity resides within each of us, hence we greet one another as "thou art god/dess".

On one hand, I don't picture "God" in church as exclusively the male Deity of the Christian faith. I try to think of the Christian God including Sophia, the Holy Spirit, or Wisdom.

On the other hand, I find the male aspect easily in church because that is the thoughtform fed by so many centuries of patriarchy and Christian teaching. I do tend to focus on the female aspect in my priestess role. Nevertheless, in a round about way, I have come to agree with Cunningham's statement regarding a supreme divine power. And since Cameron channels male energy, I leave all the male "stuff" to her!

As my path continues, I expect that in another ten years I will be able to find both male and female aspects of Divinity regardless of being in circle or church. I firmly believe in the necessity of balance, and expect to find the balance of male and female energy within myself as my healing continues, whether that be in this lifetime or the next.

How I actually go about reconciling my dual path is beyond the scope of this question. But I will say that thinking about this topic led me to Wiccan Place three months ago. While I was waiting to be approved to join, I started a blog, and anyone is welcome to read more there, Wicca and Christianity

Musings and Reflections upon Turning 46

Having a birthday on September first, right when school starts, meant that as a child I always claimed my new birthday much earlier in the summer so as to appear older. I found myself resuming that habit this year. Perhaps I was not seeking to appear older so much as the last year has been so full I should already be able to claim that next year!

The last few years have been quite eventful. I began working on an Ed.S. degree in marriage and family therapy in the spring semester of 2007. I am quickly becoming a dinosaur in a program that has shifted to only offering a MA. I am now half way through my practicum, and this time next year will be taking the liscensure exam and beginning my fellowship.

When I began the graduate program, I was making excellent money as a debt collector as well as receiving tuition reimbursements. My disposable income has decreased by $31,000 a year. We are barely making it, and that's thanks to whatever work Cameron can occasionally pick up and student loans. But we are still afloat, unlike so many right now with this economy.

Cameron and I have now celebrated six years together. While we continue to struggle with extreme poverty, we are rich in many thing that matter. We did finally manage to exchange our old ratty love seat (extremely damaged by cats and passing years) for a futon this week. Lovely birthday present for me!

My youngest son called me yesterday and wished me a happy birthday. The Enlightened One has landed a long-term substitute teaching position in his local school district for decent pay. His wife is finishing up her student teaching. They bring my heart joy. I also raised the idea of meeting up during my westward camping trip next summer when Cameron and I go see the parental units again.

I continue to work in my field, albeit substance abuse. Few of my peers have landed a position since their graduation. With budget cuts in South Carolina, getting a job with DSS or Mental Health continues to prove challenging. It's my hope to never have to apply for another job (except my fellowship). I hope that while working on my fellowship, I can start my own practice. At the end, hopefully I will have enough clients to work for myself.

I adore this stage of my life. The growing pains are past. Most of the trauma has settled (PTSD doesn't seem to ever go away entirely). I am in a committed relationship with a woman who treats me wonderfully and loves me well, my children flourish, and I work in my field. With the exceptions of the hardships inflicted by a shortage of money, my life is exactly what I want it to be today. Not so shabby for being only 46!